As I reflect on this past year with Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ), I realize how significant the services of this organization have been for our community. Recovering from the pandemic, a priority for us is to reestablish relationships in education and the justice system while picking ourselves back up on our feet and continuing to move forward. I have confidence in the work that we do, as we have accomplished some critical steps toward our goals with the ability to strengthen and expand our services in Northern Arizona moving into the new year.
The challenges that we face can appear overwhelming. Some social scientists believe that less than 3% of the world’s population is fully healthy and functional because historically we live in shame based cultures and societies. Keeping the focus on blame, punitive responses instead of repairing the harm and inclusivity.
Inclusivity and repairing harm is at the heart of what we do. When this is the focus, healing is the result. This becomes the foundation of a healthy, functional community and fosters a sense of belonging.
In the past year, it was an honor to be able to document the implementation of restorative practice (RP) at the Oak Creek Elementary school in Cornville, AZ. The RP technique teaches children how to interact with each other, resulting in the growth and support of a stronger community. In the last 4 years, Cottonwood-Oak Creek School District (COCSD) has applied RP throughout the district and there has been a staggering 75% drop in suspensions. NARJ helped provide the tools necessary for this fundamental component.
We have brought on two board members who have been training and facilitating RP in the Flagstaff Unified School District (FUSD). Over the past two years, FUSD has been implementing RP in fifteen different schools!
Currently, we are working to reestablish our relationship with our very own Sedona Police Department, the new Police Chief, Yavapai County Probation and the Resource Officer at the Sedona Oak Creek Unified School District (SOCUSD) by requesting referrals for restorative circles dealing with conflict on campus or in our community.
This past August we were pleased to enter a new partnership with Yavapai County Detention Center to establish restorative circles in their Journey Program in Prescott, AZ. I witnessed the confidence grow and the joy on the kids faces after completing the program. Knowing they will have another chance to be a vibrant part of the community and have a future full of opportunity!
I am delighted to share that the beginning of 2023 NARJ will be in talks with Coconino County Juvenile Probation in Flagstaff, AZ to train staff and service families. We will post updates as we progress toward those goals.
There are some challenges that we will continually address. Part of the problem we have in the United States is that we are the leader in incarceration rates in the entire world! And we have the highest percentage of incarcerated at 25%! What we are doing is not working.
So we are excited for the prospect of returning to our work in the Yavapai County Correctional Facility in the Verde Valley. Pre-Covid, we had established a RP program that successfully saw inmates turn their lives around. Now, part of the facility will be remodeled to re-establish supporting programs.
Consistently when Restorative Practices are implemented there is a 88% success rate of non-recidivism in the justice system. We are an organization that contributes to that success!
One of our primary goals in this upcoming year is to implement RP in the Verde Valley school system. Sadly, our current high school dropout rate is 25%. We know our practices can change this trajectory with the solution of restorative circles. Our youth deserve a community that is engaged with their success.
Jeremy J Hawkes
Northern Arizona Restorative Justice
P.S. If you would like to know more about our organization/programs, volunteer or train to become a Restorative Justice facilitator, please contact us at:
A blog posted on the website The Educator’s Room, written by exhausted teacher, Adam Sutton, recently stated that Restorative Practices (RP), “in our current education system...is a doomed practice.” He goes on to say that RP’s goal is to “interrupt and halt the school to prison pipeline while helping students overcome and cope with trauma.”
At first, this sounds like a death blow to restorative practices, but not so fast...
The way that Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ) teaches and uses RP is broader than what Mr. Sutton describes. While RP’s goals include the ones Mr. Sutton outlines, we educate teachers to use RP to:
Perhaps this article will allow us to again make clear the underlying problem, which is that our current system of education is broken, and strips teachers of the passion and purpose to teach.
Teachers are not given sufficient support to deal with the challenges they and their students are facing: increasing levels of trauma that interfere with students’ ability to learn, the vaping crisis, drugs and alcohol, mass shootings and the resultant shooter drills, the impact of technology, and the like. While some schools have added more counselors, school guards, and other non-teaching roles to help with these challenges, the people working in those positions are often overworked and reactive to problems.
Can we come together and help teachers and school workers fix a broken system?
The position of teacher is heavy with too much need, and not enough help. We all want kids to get help–academic or otherwise–when they need it. But we struggle to meet the need with current resources. As Mr. Sutton says, “If a student needs a place to vent, a shoulder to cry on, or a quiet place to breathe, I want them to get it.” We all have this same desire, and we share a responsibility to create effective support together.
Mr. Sutton clearly took to heart the facts that have led to the wave of RP in schools around the world. He acknowledged that students who have experienced abuse and neglect face obstacles to learning. He mentioned how students who lack basic safety and security are difficult to effectively teach.
In fact, today’s kids show many signs of trauma that are found in war-torn countries. Studies have shown that between 30% and 50% of today’s youth have experienced one or more Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Research links ACEs to long-lasting negative effects on health and wellbeing. The trauma that our kids face today is setting the stage for a lifetime of unhealthiness.
The reason RP can help with trauma is because trauma is often characterized by a breakdown in relationships. RP seeks to repair the harm caused when relationships break down, and restore those relationships to a greater level of trust and understanding.
Today’s young people are navigating a social landscape that is foreign to the majority of educators and adults today. As kids and adults everywhere scramble to keep up with the massive amounts of change taking place in our society, RP offers us the opportunity to learn together. Restorative practices are the bridge between our divides.
We understand that teachers cannot do this alone.Trained restorative facilitators and volunteers in our communities are willing and able to give support for the many teachers who are exhausted.
When we conduct trainings in RP for teachers in the Verde Valley, we avoid the message that conveys, “Here overworked teacher. More work for you.” Instead, we acknowledge that teachers have more to do than they can handle, and that we are here to help.
When NARJ recently visited a local school to talk to teachers about restorative practices, we pointed out that RP was meant to help them focus more time on teaching and less time on behavior that distracts the class from education. We answered the questions that the teachers were asking. We gave them some new ideas from restorative practices. We offered to be there to help them learn.
Since our visit, this school and several others we have worked with directly, have been excited and not exhausted by RP.
Relationships always face conflict, like the student who disrupted the class in Mr. Sutton’s example. He described a student who was sent to the office for swearing at and disrupting the other twenty-five. The kid was in crisis and crying out for the help of his teacher and classmates. He needed to be heard and was instead sent to the principal’s office.
Mr. Sutton felt the rip of so many teachers’ hearts when he had to choose the needs of the twenty-five over the needs of the one. It was not that Mr. Sutton did not do enough. It was that he did not have enough that he could do. What if Mr. Sutton could have called in a restorative facilitator, or two, to assist him with the twenty-six kids in his care?
What if Mr. Sutton had found a way to have regular RP circles in the classroom, where kids can ask for help, offer support, understand the conflicts they have experienced among their classmates, and repair harms between themselves? Teachers using RP find that they are like preventative medicine. They are not just there to address disciplinary events. Cultivating RP has helped teachers change the culture in their classrooms, as well as the behavior of their students.
Relationship building is the most important thing we can do with our students. RP is of immense benefit when we think from this new paradigm.
What if the student could have had someone - counselor, principal, etc go through a restorative process with him to find out what was the root of the problem? The next important step would be to send the student back to class where another brief circle could be held, easing the student’s re-entry into class and allowing them to make amends that could restore their relationships with fellow students..
Or, what if someone could take over the class, so the teacher could participate in the initial circle? Another approach would be to greet the student, give him the materials he needed, ask him if he needed time to cool down, and then have him join the class, waiting until after school to talk with him further and/or do a circle with other staff. The following day, he could make amends to the class to finish the process.
These are not necessarily the only potential outcomes. Restorative Practices employs the wisdom of the group to serve and support everyone to create a positive experience together. We trust that you will find your way through offenses using RP as a tool to experiment with along the journey. Experimenting, along with experience, will eventually bring us all greater expertise.
The volunteers of NARJ and many other restorative organizations are willing to help. We are willing to come in to host circles in the classroom, cafeteria or conference room, during school hours or after. We are willing to address conflicts so that teachers can address learning.
Mr Sutton asked one thing of us all: If we are mad at him and other teachers for not doing enough, are we willing to be mad enough to demand that our system of education change?
On November 18, Dr. Jo Stone and I were asked to describe the work of Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ) with the teachers and administrators of Beaver Creek School in Camp Verde, Arizona.
We sat in a circle with fifteen teachers and staff members in true restorative tradition. The practices of restorative circles may seem revolutionary to some within our modern culture, but they are as old as humanity. They are not the usual way most of us have learned to resolve conflicts, but many of our ancestors sat in circles to repair relationships without creating further harm. They looked instead, to repair the harm. These circles continue to be used worldwide to address and heal the wounds of violence, harm, and trauma.
The staff of this school face daily behavioral challenges from the students in their classrooms. The kids, from 1st to 8th grade, sometimes do things that leave the teachers scratching their heads, thinking, “what were these kids thinking?” and “how could they do this?”
These challenges get in the way of other education. As one teacher commented on behavioral issues, they said, “We could have a whole class, just dedicated to this.” Lack of time to meet kids’ needs is the biggest obstacle standing in the way of the teachers’ ability to address these challenges, since they are clearly not hampered by lack of desire or effort.
They have learned trauma informed practices to better meet the needs of the many kids who have experienced trauma.
The teachers had learned about restorative practices by reading the book, Better than Carrots or Sticks, and had had some success using restorative practices to deal with a very serious situation. They saw kids take responsibility for their choices, one of the most difficult outcomes to achieve, and the main reason restorative practices are so successful. Punishment, on the other hand, can often produce defensiveness, which blocks kids’ ability to be accountable.
Restorative circles are different because they allow everyone involved to have an opportunity to talk about the harm that happened. Rather than simply discipline a behavior, there is a discussion about how the actions affected everyone. The discussion begins by addressing the question, “What is the harm that was done?” In hearing from multiple perspectives directly, in a safe circle, the people who created the harm are shown the consequences of their actions.
Once the responsibility is understood by everyone in the circle, we ask, “How can we repair the harm?” and “Who is responsible for that repair?”
The circle then discusses what repair looks like.
Restorative practices are not a program. It is a paradigm shift in how we see and address conflict. It is not meant to be just another “add-on” to a school’s already full plate. It is meant to be a different way to approach relationships and harm.
Restorative practices, at their most effective, can be used alongside trauma informed practices, instructional practices, equity practices, and mindfulness practices.
Repairing and restoring harm is a community-oriented exercise. It requires curiosity and vulnerability. It requires an understanding of trauma. And it requires deep listening and learning.
At the end of our meeting, we and the teachers agreed that connection circles bring us closer to the solution. We offered to support their efforts by having NARJ volunteers attend and help facilitate their circles. Finally, we agreed to continue to support the school staff who are doing amazing work daily to meet the needs of our youth.
Northern Arizona Restorative Justice is looking for more volunteers to be a part of our circles or to train as a facilitator. Training is scheduled for early 2020, where attendees can learn how to restore relationships with restorative circles.
If you are interested in meeting the needs of our schools and connecting your gifts to our community, please contact us by filling out the volunteer information form on our website at www.narj.org We would love to have your support in meeting the needs of our hurting youth.
Thank you for reading and for being such an amazing community to serve, support and work alongside.
Dr. Jo Stone and I had a recent opportunity to present the principles of restorative justice to one hundred twenty-five seventh and eighth graders and their teachers.
This invitation came to Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ) after several employees at Daniel Bright Elementary attended the training we hosted this summer. The enthusiasm to see restorative practices in school comes as administrators and teachers see how a paradigm shift on punishment can powerfully impact the kids in their classroom. This is part of a statewide interest in restorative practices being implemented in schools across Arizona.
As we spoke about restorative principles, we naturally created a space where the teachers and students felt open to share. They expressed their truth with curiosity and a little perplexity. This process was new to them. What did it look like to discuss subjects that many felt ashamed to talk about, without shame and blame?
The answer to that question is an ongoing active community creation, but the question is the right one to ask.
The answer to that question has to do with the effect of shame and blame. Psychologically, shame and blame create negative ideas, particularly of oneself.
Shame and blame plant the seeds for a lifetime of insecurity, negativity and defensiveness. There is a solution, however.
The key to the solution is awareness and courage. If you're courageous enough to admit what you are ashamed of, you can become aware of how your negative self-image and negative worldview impact you and others. You learn that because of these beliefs, you have more than likely created hurt out of your own hurt, within yourself and others.
When someone is shamed as a punishment, they are separated from the group. When blame is cast, it is an act of casting a person out of the group.
Once a separation is created in a group, the entire community suffers. The hurting child in the corner bursts out in disruption and the bully laughs at his pain. The energy of everyone in the classroom is distracted by the yearning for acceptance and connection.
The classroom of kids could understand this. They felt the yearnings of unmet needs of themselves and others.
Kids understand the injustices of the world sometimes better than adults do.
They can actually teach us, if we are wise enough to listen. Often we have to listen through a lot of stuff that seems irrelevant and is challenging to hear before we get close to understanding what the heart of the matter is. The bully may laugh 1000 times at the idea of opening their heart, the hurting kids may remain silent, but when they finally bear witness to the restorative process, they are drawn in like a moth to a flame.
Wise men have said that the result of the truth is freedom. These are two of the things we seek in restorative justice: truth and freedom.
We encourage kids to see the truth beyond their limited view. We encourage them to share and to listen. We encourage them to see the truth of their actions, and what lies behind them, as well as the actions and feelings of others. We encourage kids to find freedom in creating healthy relationships through the simplicity of coming together in a circle without shame or blame.
When adults witness kids finding truth and freedom in a restorative circle, they too walk away changed.
Healthy relationships teach us that conflict happens. Hurt happens. But these things that happen to us don't need to become things that create cycles of trauma and abuse.
Restorative circles can break the cycle.
Download a free copy of 10 restorative principles at NARJ.org. Contemplate these principles, and talk about them with your family and friends. Sometimes creating restoration begins with people sitting in a circle.
NARJ’s most recent restorative circle at the Yavapai County Jail was characterized by humility.
Three volunteers from Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ) sat in a circle with a dozen inmates who had all been in and out of jail. Several of them had gone to prison. Some were on their way back there.
The men in this circle readily admitted that they had no idea how to stop the cycle of their addiction and incarceration on their own. They accepted that they didn't know how to fix their mistakes, in spite of their best efforts. Every one of the men had tried and given up hope.
The humility they allowed themselves to experience led them to be open to seeking solutions and asking for help.
These men admitted that they need people who can show them a better way of life. They need people who can help them repair the mistakes they made.
We know that's true for all of us. Repairing mistakes involves many people beyond the person making the mistake, as mistakes hurt individuals closest to them, as well as the community they live in. Mistakes can cause conflicts, and we must learn to restore peace after disputes happen, not an easy thing to do.
This is where NARJ steps in.
We help conflicted parties communicate and create a new contract that honors everyone.
Through using restorative principles, we come to understand that we live free, and keep our freedom, only by remembering, or in some cases by learning for the first time, how to live outside a prison of our own making. These men had learned to live in bondage, but no one had re-educated them about the joys we can experience or the responsibilities we need to take on in order to truly live a free life.
A necessary part of living happy, joyous, and free is approaching life with humility, an essential human characteristic, and yet one of the most difficult to acquire.
If you are in need of a circle of support after struggles with incarceration, NARJ meets at 6:30pm at the Camp Verde Library on the first Tuesday of every month.
If you are interested in volunteering with NARJ and receiving training in restorative principles and how to promote them, please reach out to us. We need volunteers to:
We also need volunteers to get our message to those who need to hear it. Please share what you know about our organization with others, visit us at narj.org, and talk about how our community is handling justice in a way that brings people back into our community with hope.
Bringing hope to broken people restores connections, and even the most humble of connections can plant the seeds to change a life.
Addiction is a disease.
This is the truth - an uncomfortable one, but the truth nonetheless.
I go to the Verde Valley jail every other week with Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ) to teach restorative practices to incarcerated men and women. I have again and again borne witness to the injustice of sentencing addicts to years of confinement. These are amazing people, who have lost their best to a disease, and who are in need of help. Addicts’ disease can sometimes place them in conflict with the law and general society. Incarceration is not an effective treatment for their malady. Sentencing addicted men and women to prison is like locking up everyone with cancer, PTSD, or hypertension.
Decades of medical research and practice have verified that addiction is a disease. The medical community is getting much better at treating addiction than they have been historically. They now see the symptoms and can distinguish them from addiction’s root causes, which include factors like trauma, complex psychiatric diagnoses, neurodiversity, neurochemical imbalances, genetic predisposition and chemical toxicity. The medical community also acknowledges attempts by the suffering addicts to self-medicate. They understand that only a disease - not a chosen way of life - would cause a mother to abandon a child or push people to destroy themselves. Addictions’ complexities, while not fully understood, affect the psychological, physiological, psychosocial and spiritual aspects of life.
A useful way to think about addiction, is that in the face of the physical, psychological and emotional challenges listed above, an addict experiences an erosion of genuine, positive, human connection (not always and not necessarily). They experience a moral breakdown in familial and social connectedness and struggle alone with their fear, trauma and anxiety.
Addiction, no matter what its cause and no matter what substances the addict uses, ruptures relationships, in the family first, and then more broadly.
Healing for an addict is impossible without healing those broken relationships and families.
It takes more than prison, more than our current treatment options, and more than campaigns against drugs and alcohol. Substances aren’t the problem. The problem is broken families, and moral and economic poverty.
Recovery work requires that addicts pay attention to their patterns of thought and behavior. Those Unhealthy patterns have their roots in having been learned by watching and participating in others ’unhealthy patterns, by trying to come to terms with trauma, mental illness, dysfunctional environments and other factors. Addiction is treated best by creating new and healthy connections, replacing those habitual and often unconscious patterns. But before a person can get there, The road to health can be long and require much effort on the part of the addict, their families, and the people who work alongside them.
A one-month treatment program is not going to heal years of abuse. Some people take years to heal, and some never fully heal. Society and addicts’ families’ patience can often wear thin with people who appear to be knowingly destroying themselves.
Our society is filled with fear and anxiety. The reasons for this are many. We lack trust, we over-think, we compare ourselves to others, over-categorize and judge.
The news shows daily stories of addicts being arrested for doing unthinkable acts. As a result, we have learned to fear this disease.
Fueled by fear and hyper-awareness of danger, many people in America are medicating for anxiety, and becoming unintentional addicts. The illicit and pharmaceutical drug industry are rich even in times of poverty.
While addicts do things that are hurtful to themselves and others, science shows that these men, women and kids are literally not in their right minds. Addiction rewires the brain in ways that cause addicts to see the world, and react to what they see, in ways that are at the very least unhealthy, sometimes deviant, and supremely wrong. Fortunately for all of us - for who hasn’t been affected by addiction in some way? - research and therapeutic practices show that the addicted brain can be rewired. Recovery requires that treatment occur in a place where fear can be turned into the opportunity to create love and peace.
The greatest contributor of addiction, and the fuel to millions of incarcerated individuals, is poverty. It is a poverty of moral structure and money. Poverty caused by a moral wound. It is often a broken relationship that leads to addiction. Moral poverty breeds broken connections. Broken connections create harm.
What is the value of healing a broken person, and a broken family?
We all know amazing people who have died from the disease of addiction.
What if we can save future lives from being lost in this way?
Restorative justice approaches addiction as healing broken relationships. We seek to encourage people who have caused harm to themselves and others, to take responsibility and repair the harm. Healing addiction requires repairing harm. This is a tremendous act of courage as true humility requires an addict to ask for help.
Asking for help is what the most successful people do. It is what happy and financially secure people do. It is a requirement for healthy relationships. Stable communities are those that decide to respond to the requests for help from those struggling with addiction. We need to be willing to offer support to those who have become aware of the damage their addictions are causing and know they cannot recover alone.
Helping those who need help is a community responsibility. We can't hope that someone else is going to do the difficult work of healing moral wounds of incredible trauma.
The addicts I have met in jail are a brilliant group of people, with tremendous potential to give back to society, if a restorative environment is created. They cannot, however, heal in the correctional system. The only way to restore them to our community is to get the community involved. After all, justice doesn't just happen. It is created.
The rights of many addicts are being completely stripped away.
Most people in our county jails are unable to afford bail. This is a violation of the 8th amendment.
These people cannot seek justice from jail. Some can hardly read or write. They have no defense and no way to restore themselves without being given support. They need to be back in the community, or in treatment, able to begin the process of healing the harm caused in their diseased state.
Ninety-seven per cent of those charged with a crime accept plea agreements because they are told if they don’t plead guilty, they will be given a harsher sentence. The public defender's office is overwhelmed with cases, and can't send their lawyers to visit every man or woman they are in public service to protect. They are drowning in a sea of addicts with no plan besides giving out more jail time or building more prisons.
This will never heal the brokenness.
Addicts need access to treatment centers. Arizona has huge amounts of land and vast amounts of financial resources to create an oasis of healing.
Let's say, conservatively, that 50% of the prison population are addicts in need of treatment. What if we diverted their wasted talents, sitting in a cage, into the talent needed to build this network of treatment centers. What if they were healed and trained? What if these men and women helped build this treatment network? Wouldn't that help repair the harm they have caused?
Real solutions exist with proper funding.
The budget for prisons in Arizona for 2019 is $1,175,219,700.
If only 50% of these funds were put towards rehabilitating addicts, $587,609,850 would go a long way towards creating thousands of restored addicts, felons and families.
The financial savings in terms of funds currently spent on welfare, on Medicaid, on our foster systems, our juvenile systems, and our prisons would be huge. More importantly, the addition of healthy, contributing citizens who know there are healthy ways to conquer fear and loneliness, would be incalculable.
I urge the communities of Arizona to recognize that our state demands better justice.
If our community adopts restorative practices with adults the way we have with our youth, we could see a 70% recidivism rate, turned into an 88% success rate.*
Restorative practices teach people how to repair harm, and how to forgive each other. Forgiveness will always bring grace and dignity to the human spirit. With it, we can heal the broken heart.
*NARJ has seen only 12% re-offense in our juvenile program conducted in partnership with Yavapai County Juvenile Courts. 88% of those who participate in restorative circles have not re-offended.
It's amazing when you step back and realize that you're part of something far greater than you.
That's something that Northern Arizona Restorative Justice has taught me.
I saw it in action today as I watched another group of Northern Arizona educators impassioned by principles they were learning.
Even on the third day of training, when given a break, the teachers and administrators couldn't help but talk about putting restorative practices to work in their schools.
The principal of Dr. Daniel Bright Elementary, Jessi, shared with me a story of why she loved the nature of this work. She told of a young girl who was very difficult in class, and who was exhibiting common signs of trauma.
The girl was disruptive. She was withdrawn and quick to react with a large range of behavior. She was hard to reach, but slowly and patiently, using restorative practices, this girl began to change.
It started with a focus on relationships. First, was a relationship with a therapy dog. Then a relationship with a teacher. Eventually, the impossible occurred as the girl connected with the principal she had once feared. Trust has slowly manifested with a patient focus on connecting and compassion.
The trauma was still evident in some behavior, but trust existed, where before, there had been none.
Trust had begun to heal the trauma.
Why are teachers talking about healing trauma?
And better yet, why are they excited about it?
Because that's a side effect of implementation of restorative principles!
That's not even the primary purpose of the policy changes that can be implemented from these principles.
Schools are seeing all sorts of benefits from changing from a punitive system of punishment, to a restorative system of proactive prevention.
Communicating more clearly
Ability to identify needs
Seeing the needs of others
Understand how to take responsibility
Taking a direct role in the justice process
Repairing harm when it occurs
Restoring broken relationships
If you're not familiar with the principles of restorative justice, download a copy for free on our website home page (narj.org).
Read through these 10 principles and begin to consider how they might change your life and those around you.
Restorative principles change everyone involved, as being a part of something greater than ourselves, makes us all greater.
“Healthy relationships are crucial for successful living.” Take this from a group of men who know unhealthy relationships. This group of inmates have been charged with crimes that impacted many people in their communities, their families, and ultimately, themselves.
I have come into Yavapai County Jail in Camp Verde, Arizona with Northern Arizona Restorative Justice (NARJ.org). I am a Board Member and restorative facilitator. I have facilitated hundreds of recovery and restorative circles.
This jail has over 100 volunteers who are allowed to meet with inmates. This facility is working to create programs that are beneficial in reducing recidivism and creating a safer community.
That is why Barry and I volunteer to meet with people incarcerated there. We want to see people restored. We want to create a dialogue around healing from trauma, addiction, and mental illness. We want to stop punishing sickness. Instead, we want to repair the harm these things cause.
The harm that these men had done as a result of their addictions, pathologies and mental illnesses, were what Barry, Janice and I, and this group of 12 men, were here to explore.
One might expect to be conned in a room filled with convicts.These men, though, are eager to tell the truth.
“What about repairing the harm?” Barry asked the group. “What are your thoughts on reparation? If we break down to the harm we have done to ourselves, and start with repairing that, we can move into forgiveness.” “We are here to look at the humanity.” he continued.
Barry talked to the group about forgiveness, and that concept felt very foreign inside these walls.
Some of these men had done some horrible things. They had a real hard time understanding how to move into forgiveness.
Barry explained to the group that he cares about who these men have hurt and how they can repair the harm and move forward. He explained how we have seen children, men, and women, successfully move forward after horrible harm has happened in their lives with the assistance of restorative justice.
“What’s that AA term? Something about a moral inventory?” I asked the group.
“Fearless” one inmate said.
“Fearless and searching” another finished.
“Fearless”, I repeated. “It takes that type of look at yourself.” I reminded everyone. “I hear this desire for something different, but part of that process is looking at the mistakes that you have made”.
“How would you go about repairing?” I asked again, referring everyone to the harm they have caused, and the harm they have themselves suffered.
One guy who described his pattern of explosive anger responded, “To try to change my environment, and change my outlook on it instead of going right to rage when I feel she is doing something to me. I feel like I am being betrayed at that time. So I learned that about myself today. Maybe I need to step outside of the box, and go outside, instead of saying hurtful words.”
This man bore the wounds of a man who had “been let down by everybody”. And he realized he had only given in to his anger because “I had been hurt.”
I asked the group to imagine “What would it look like to share and to acknowledge the feelings of being hurt? Now I know I’m asking this to a bunch of gangsters...” the group laughed. “and we don’t talk about being hurt, but underneath a lot of these…”
“It’s like a kid. I act like a kid” someone interrupted.
“Totally. But a kid is screaming out because they’re hurt. And when we have the awareness that says, ‘okay I’m lashing out and I want to smash something because I’m hurt’, what would it look like for you to acknowledge and say ‘I’m hurt. I’m feeling hurt’”.
“I AM feeling hurt.” the man said, and he publicly acknowledged a hurt he had never before had the courage to share. He also learned to recognize what it is to feel hurt, as he mentioned “I don’t know how to distinguish that right now”. And most importantly, he saw a way out. He saw a way that he could address this old pattern in a new way.
The whole group saw it.
This group would later acknowledge that they had “never seen anything like this.”
I’ve seen a lot of circles, and I had never seen one quite like this, either..
“Were you scared to say that you were hurt?” another man asked.
“A lot of times, I feel like, ‘You should know’” the man emoted. He had a common misconception among men. He thought that his wife knew what he was thinking and feeling. The foolishness of this expectation was lost on no one.
“I heard forgiveness” another man spoke up. “...you know...ummm...I’m in here...first of all because of what I was doing....but partially, what helped me get in here is somebody told on me. Honest to God, I came in here and I was angry about that, and then I realized, you know, I was praying, and I was reading my Bible, and I started realizing, you know what, first of all, if I wasn’t doing what I was doing, no one could have told on me. I also realized that I need to forgive that person that wore a wire on me. It wasn’t necessarily for him. It was for myself. I didn’t want to walk around with that anger. It takes a lot of energy and I don’t want that burden, you know”.
“I’m looking at 15 years,” the man continued. “Not good. But ultimately, my relationships have gotten better. I’m in a safe spot. I’m out of my addiction...I’m not saying I’m happy. But something had to happen for me. Ultimately, I want to be forgiven. I want mercy. Because I have done harm and I’m not innocent here. I want to practice forgiveness and loving people and trying to be the best person I can be.”
Janice, the inmate coordinator of treatment programs, spoke up, “I’ve heard a lot of people say that they were rescued, not arrested.”
I’ve heard stories of people being rescued by going to prison. But I’ve also seen the side effects of arrest and imprisonment, and know that many of those imprisoned are lost to destruction and addiction. I've seen fear on the faces of community members and the pain of victims. Neither victims nor offenders; not to mention our communities, are restored by our current justice system that relies on punishment, not restoration.
What would it look like for our community to create justice and restoration for all involved?
That is one of the many questions I leave this jail with every time I visit.
I know that restorative circles are a part of the solution. But they are only a part.
There are other circles that must overlap to create connection and healing. Healing harm is always going to be a community exercise in forgiveness and restoration.